Identity
by onelight
Summary: A young man named Ichiro Haruno was actually born Sakura Haruno, but under no choice of his own was forced to identify as male. This is his story. Identity is a dystopia type fic and is obviously AU. I adopted this story from another writer with permission.
**This is AU obviously.**

Chapter 1

Darkness is a lonely place, but it can also be filled with many unimaginable things. What can reside in the inky darkness extends to the limitation of an imagination. Ever since he was younger, his mother would throw him into this box, this hellishly hot and sinfully dark box, he would imagine things twisted, with impish grins, and fangs which drip acid, manifesting themselves in that tiny box with him. Sometimes they would speak, whispers of things his mother had said... _useless girl... disabled mutt...filthy... dumb..._

But as he grew older, he came to realize that there was nothing in the box with him. All the things worth being afraid of lived outside the box's metal top. Outside was a world he would never belong, outside was a world in which he would always and forever be only a defective girl. Ichiro was once a female, a defective female, as all defective women, she had no role in the world in which humans are going extinct quickly, were an endangered species. Only 1 out of 90 women are able to conceive, after a mysterious illness which nearly took out half of the world's population over one-hundred and fifty years ago. Ichiro wasn't one of the lucky girls, she was born barren, unhealthy eggs, no chance that an implantation would work, nothing. She had no hope, as a result, her destiny was so, she would become a solider. Ichiro was born female, a female named Sakura, before the test that changed her life was taken at the age of two, as all conception test were, changed her fate. Born female, but quickly deemed a useless one, as rule number ninety-nine of the NH code clearly reads, 'All barren females are to be thought of as male and raised male. They are to serve in the NH army services, to return their dues which they owe society.

Inside 'her' punishment box, she could be anything she wanted. In her box, she can fool her mind into thinking she's not a male, that when she's older she would be able to marry someday and have her own children. Always in her fantasies, she would love all of her offspring, no matter how they were born, no matter any disabilities. She would never-

Light filled her box, followed by a loud screech which sends her sensitive ears into an awful ring. Her eye lids shut tight, agony splits through weakened irises.

"My son..."

Her lids opened a crack, before fully opening. Her father stood over her, a sad smile on his worn features. Her twin brothers, both ten, stood at his side, worry thick on their small features. He, her father, and all her male siblings look strikingly alike, all with their father's brown hair and mother's deep green irises, handsome they say, the twins were already betrothed, both being truly male, and waiting on their fifteen birthdays to be married off. She was sure her youngest brother, barely five, would soon have a contract in his name as well. She on the other hand, wouldn't. Sakura would spend her life as a solider, alone. It was why her mother hates her. She was born wrong. Not being female enough and not truly male.

Her father began to sign, but the girl holds up her hand.

"I can hear as of now, father." She lightly smiled, forced. She was prone to temporary bouts of deafness, it was another reason her mother hates her. She worried she wouldn't be able to receive her service check if Sakura was denied military work.

"That's very good, you can exit now, Ichiro." His father bends, holding out a hand for her, "Your mother is no longer angry."

With stiff muscles, Sakura stood, her stomach growled, making her bones grow weak and her legs wobble. Sakura grabbed her father's hand and with his help lifts from the box.

"Lets get you something to eat." Her father smiled once again, patting her narrow back with a heavy hand. He turned and began heading towards the large white home before him.

Sakura frowned, her gaze falling to Itsuki on her left. "What's wrong with him?" Her father was usually much more talkative, especially upon her releases from the box. Usually the man would go on and on about the antics of her younger brothers.

Itsuki looked up at her and bit his lip. He then peeked around her at Izumi, shifting on his feet.

The true female frown deepened. "Spit it out, already!" Her voice cracked and pitched dangerously high, slipping from her practiced monotone. Sakura ignored it.

"Hey, don't yell at me!" The child wined. "Izumi was listening in on mother and father's conversation..."

"Was not!" Izumi denies.

"You were!"

"I don't think it matters..." Sakura huffed, "what was said?" A bad feeling had begin to build up inside her stomach, churning the little inside. It was never good when their parents spoke. Mother was brought up in a household which preached, like most of the world, how important females were, their father barely had a voice. Her mother's family was famous for only birthing females who were able to conceive and only female children really.

"I..." Itsuki stutters, "mother is going to speed your enlistment up in hopes of having more money for Sachi's Womening party." The child blurted then sniffed. "Dad has been trying to talk her out of it all week, but her mind is already made up."

Sakura's blood ran cold. She was only sixteen, enlistment age was nineteen. She was way to young. Men were trained at the NH to be brainless soldiers and guards. The NH broke their spirits and crushed whatever free-will, made girls into real men through mental manipulation and horrible torture, that's what Sakura had heard anyway. She was sure it wasn't exactly like that, but...

"Ichiro..." Izumi hesitantly said.

"Maybe you can talk with her..." Itsuki questioned. Sakura hasn't the heart to tell the boys that their mother would never listen to a word from her, ever.

"She would only be upset that you two were listening to her private conversations." He forces a smile onto his lips. "Let's head on inside."

(O)

Kazashi sat a bowl of bean soup before Sakura, along with a chunk of bread on a smaller plate. "No sharing with your brothers, all of them had a huge breakfast."

"Fruit!" Tiny Sora bounced in his seat, long hair flopping in his face.

"A present from Sora's betrothed," Izumi chimed in. Sakura frowned lifting his gaze from the wooden bowl. "She's a little thing with wild red hair and a loud mouth." He and Itsuki erupt in a fit of giggles.

"Boys..." Their father lightly chided. "Do not insult her. She will give your brother a wonderful life."

"When was Sora's contract written?" Sakura asked mostly to hold in her scoff. Sora's life wouldn't be anything special, like his father and his brothers, Sora would be the husband of an overbearing woman who thought of herself as hot crap because her ability to have children. Who will want him to impregnate her with many female children who can conceive and build her standings in society. Sakura frowned, well, it wasn't a bad dream, only one that never would she be able to fulfill.

"Two days ago," his father moves to the glistening ice box and began to remove things from it to start on his mother's and Sachi, Sora's fraternal twin's lunch. "It appears your mother and Valatina Rosa were in conversation with each other about blinding families."

It was how High-class families such as this one worked, selling off male children as husbands. It hardly counted against them that a male born into her mother's family was much more likely to have female children. There were lines of females wanting one of Sakura's little brothers, old young, it hardly mattered. usually contracts were written and signed when they are children and are enacted when the boy turns fifteen. Now sixteen, Sakura was well beyond being betrothed, so it was obvious now to anyone who payed attention to the family that the oldest boy in the family was likely not a boy at all.

"Oh...," was all Sakura is able to say, she can feel his father's gaze on her. She looked back at her bowl, taking a sip of the bean soup inside, ignoring the unpleasant taste.

"I have to talk with you later, Ichiro." His father said.

Sakura nodded without looking up.

A swirl of pink flies into the area like a whirlwind, smashing into Itsuki who falls off his stool and onto the floor.

"Sorry, Itsuki!" The hyper swirl of pink, now obviously a blonde little girl, said loudly. Sachi, the youngest child in the family, the only legal girl. She turned with pure excitement to their father, who was working on cutting up potatoes. "Father, can I have candy now? It's been..." she holds up a finger, and hugs a stuffed pink hippo to her, "one hour."

Kazashi smiled tiredly at his one and only daughter, Mebuki, his wife's pride and joy. Her save-face from having mostly boys and a defective girl.

"Sure thing, honey..." He turned and retrieves a glass jar from a high cabinet, taking out one of the brightly wrapped candies. He hands it to the child who wastes no time unwrapping it and shoving it into her mouth.

All four of her brother's stare, even Sakura who understood she wouldn't be tasting the treat.

"Can I..." Sora began.

"No, Sora." Their father stopped him from asking. "Its much to early for sweets, you would be hyper all day." The five year old instantly begins to cry. Sakura quickly tried her best to comfort her sobbing brother, offering him her piece of bread.

"What's all this?"

Sakura instantly bolts to her feet, turning and standing tensely as his mother walked in. Her brothers follow suit, Itsuki grabbing Sora to stand beside the teen according to age. The youngest child still sniffed quietly.

"Why is my little Sora crying?" The tall, beautiful, blonde woman questioned, but makes no move to comfort the child, but instead folded her arms over herself, staring at the child in concern. That is who their mother was, aloof, indifferent to all of her offspring besides Sachi.

"He is upset." Kazashi answered right away. "He wanted some of Sachi's sweets. I told him no." Kazashi said stiffly.

"Oh..." The woman said. Her gaze turns to Sachi. "Why didn't you offer your brothers any sweets?"

Sachi shrugged, mouth still working on the candy.

"Well," Mebuki said, walking to the container Kazashi had set on the counter, she fishes out a few of the candies and hands one to Itsuki, then Sora, then Izumi. She came to a stop before her Sakura. "You don't expect one, now do you, Ichiro?" She questioned. "You already use up all my resources, but offer up nothing for our family."

Sakura's gaze locked on the floor. "I'm sorry, mother. I do not expect anything." She apologized, her words felt like acid dripping inside of her. It wasn't her fault how she was born, it wasn't hers, it wasn't anyone's fault. Why was she being blamed like this? It wasn't fair. Her hands ball into fists.

Mebuki nodded slowly, smiling mocking. "You're intelligent, my child." She crosses her arms. "You'll do well at the NH."

"Mebuki..." Kazashi said breathlessly. "We..."

"I have come to my decision, Kazashi." She looked at him face cool. "No other discussions will be had on the topic."

Her insides churned and her mouth dried. "Mother..." Sakura finally looked up at her mother. "I... I'm your son... I'll do anything... can you not...?"

"You're a blemish on this family." She looked away from her, walking away. "If others find out that you have disability, they will believe it to be hereditary, you're brother's contracts with be broken and all of you will be owned by NH, do you want that? All defects are unacceptable."

"I.. No..." She breathed, her hands shook. "I'll be careful... no one will find out, its only three years..."

"No," the woman shook her head. "We are only waiting on the acceptance letter now, Ichiro. You will be in the capital by Friday, training to become useful." Mebuki turned sharply and left. Sakura began to follow. Convincing her mother on her mind, making her see how important this was, how she wasn't at all ready, how her mother had, no matter what, to change her mind. She couldn't go there, leave her family, never see them again, become a solider. She couldn't.

"Ichiro!" She froze, half-turning to face his father.

"She won't change her mind." His father said. "Leave her - "

Sakura turned fully, glaring at his father. "You're going to let her do this? You'll let her sell me to a NH?" Her voice become lighter, forgetting, not caring she is forgetting to correct her voice.

"You understand none of this is my choice." Her father said, leaning against the counter as if it were holding him up. "I tr - "

"You didn't try hard at all!" Sakura interrupted. "It's always been like this, father. You bend all the time to her will even if that means hurting your own children! You could have taken us and ran." She wouldn't have cared, not truly. Mebuki only cares for Sachi. Her father simply didn't want to give up his good-life, his fancy dinners and popularity. "But you're too frightened. Yo - "

"You are not my only child!" His father yelled back, face crimson with rage. "I have to think about what's best for all of you! You're brother's lives are better here yo - "

"And mine is over!" Sakura choked out. "I'm going to rot in NH until I go to battle on the frontlines and parish. You. Don't. Care."

"Ichiro... no more. Let's talk about this away from your siblings." His father said quietly, body shaking with barely restrained anger.

Sakura's mouth clamped shut, her gaze fell on to the children, all three of his brother's crying and Sachi simply staring. She takes a shuddering breath.

"I don't think anything is left to say." She turns, stomach flipping and flopping, she heads out.

"Can I have another sweet?" She heard Sachi ask after she left.


End file.
